Happy Face/Sad Face

Time for self-promotion in the throes of depression

My special comes out at the end of this month and I could not be more excited and proud. I worked my ass off to make it truly SPECIAL but so did sooooo many other people who are friends, family and strangers! And while it is the perfect culmination of everything I have accomplished in stand-up and a love letter to my beautiful family, it is also being released when my mental health is at its lowest. So on the one hand, I am thrilled for it to go out into the world and on the other hand, doing promo, press, podcasts, and constant social media posts, given where I am currently, feels terrifying.

People love to say social media is a lie. And while I think social media is mostly evil and contributed to the demise of our government, society and tasteful lip injections, I know that my social media is not a lie. Wait, is that a lie? Maybe a bit of a lie but I am more of an oversharer and manic talker than LIAR! Like, when I post positive snapshots of my life where I am having fun, I was actually having fun. GASP! When I post that I had a great time doing shows on the road, I actually had a great time doing shows on the road! When I say my husband is funny, I am literally LOL’ing at that very moment. But just because those positive pictures are true, doesn’t mean the tough stuff isn’t also present.

Yes, I love stand-up and cannot wait to talk about this hour and how we chose to bring it to life (why did I write that?). But yes, doing promo for a creative project while I am in the throes of grief and postpartum depression is not the two extremes I would have paired together.

I don’t think this is unique to me in any way. I constantly see people on their social media being like “hey, sorry I know another children’s hospital was just bombed but I gotta promote telling my little jokes…” This is everyone’s reality, or at least everyone with a brain/heart combo (rare!) because the larger world is rough! And even if you’re personally thriving (can you even imagine!?) if you have a brain/heart combo you’re able to see past yourself and know when someone asks you “how are you?” and you say “great!” you’re smart enough to amend it with “I mean all things considered”/”well, obviously not great I am not a psychopath!”

I don’t want to be the person who posts myself crying. And even as I write that I have to remember I have been the person who has posted myself crying. But I would at least like to acknowledge it somewhere (here!) that I am about to do a bunch of “LOOK AT ME! ART IS HEALING! LIFE IS LIFING!” on the internet but I am also having bad days. And maybe that goes without saying but I am an oversharer!

And maybe I just wrote this for that one text thread that makes fun of me. And if you are that text thread, I have no idea who you are but I salute you! You’re doing important work!