The Attacks on Motherhood (aka ME!) Must Stop
As per usual, I must start this post with a disclaimer. I guess technically there is no “as per usual” because I haven’t written anything here since January but you get what I mean. As I was saying, as per usual, a disclaimer: I am pissed off. And there are a lot of things contributing to how pissed off I am. Things like ICE invading LA, low ratings for the Real Housewives of Miami (these first 2 are intertwined I swear!), humidity, the NBA Finals officiating, living with a broken ice maker, etc. But perhaps at the tippy tip top of the list of things pushing my mood towards “very mean white lady” is the fact that I am hugely pregnant! I am passed 9 months pregnant because you’re actually pregnant for 10 months! and supposed to get induced in about 2 weeks. The dead heat of Summer. I might even have a 4th of July baby at a time when I get chills from people booing the National Anthem.
So I am in a tough headspace because I physically cannot do a thing. Bend over? Not a chance! Sleep? Not comfortably! Take a deep breath? Are you just fucking with me now? The end of pregnancy is HELL! We really should complain about it more but in 2025 there are so many things to complain about, I get that pregnant by choice ladies are pushed to the end of the line. Which brings us to why we are here. As the world descends deeper into hell, I am seeing an increase in online discourse (so the worst kind) of people saying things like “It’s crazy to have a baby in 2025!”
And guess what, it IS crazy to have a baby in 2025! No one knows that more than the people actually doing it! I found out I was pregnant 2 days before the 2024 election. You don’t think I had some second thoughts!? Well, I did bitch! And since you want to publicly criticize parents (mostly just moms because when has anyone ever criticized a dad?) I’ll take you through my exact thought process.
The first thought I had after I found out I was pregnant with my second was “well that didn’t take nearly as much time as I was hoping it would!” I was 38 at the time and it just happened fast. That is not to brag and I am so sorry if it is insensitive to people who struggle to get pregnant. I wish all the people who wanted babies could easily have them and all the people who should never have children (Jax Taylor and a lot of TikTok) had to feel the pain you do!
Then, the election happened and I said “oh fuck!”. I had daaaaaaays of sobbing and questioning if I should bring another life into this world. And I really struggled. I had some very long and hard conversations with people I loved. All while digesting the results, especially from young male voters, and asking “why do these boys hate their moms?” Because I already have a young boy and I was pretty sure I was having another boy because I felt exactly the same way as my first pregnancy and I was a sports broadcasting major so it’s just how these things go.
So while a lot of us sat with the results and tried to understand what they meant, I tried to make sense of what this meant for my very new pregnancy. And yes, I had to do all of this SOBER! A curse I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
But I came to some realizations, maybe even because of my sober state! I love being a mom. I think I am a pretty good mom. And if I want to bring another life into this world, this fucking hateful loser and all of his brainwashed followers aren’t going to ruin that for my family and me.
Now, I get that this line of thinking works and makes sense for me. Which also means it might not work and make sense for everyone else. Deciding to have children is one of the most important decisions someone can ever make. It’s not even one I ever felt I had to make, I just knew I wanted to be a mom. Which is why I am deeeeeeeply understanding, if not envious of folks that do no want children. To have clarity on either side of the question is a gift. Half of my best friends on this Earth do not have children. I work with and look up to soooooo many people who have said they have no interest in being parents and to that I say “hell yes, can I borrow some money?”
I think in the last few years we have made really incredible strides to be like who cares if someone has kids or not. Your life is not deemed meaningful by that one decision. We, obviously, still have a long way to go to continue down this path of letting people make that choice and then really never asking them about it at all.
But what we seem to be backtracking on is the judgement surrounding people who still do wish to have children. Again, I am 9 months pregnant and so annoyed by everything! So you might read this and think that’t not an issue at all. Which is fine! But when I see open criticism of people having children I want to be like “wtf, I am sooooo encouraging of people who are childfree! Why can’t you just talk shit about me at the brunches I can no longer attend, like a normal person!?”
And I know and have heard all the arguments against it! I have lived in Brooklyn and the East side of LA for over a decade. I once had a person tell me they were anti-children because children cannot consent to being born. And they did not like my response of “well, you can consent to being dead.” So I have heard it all! And my personal opinion is that capitalism, our dependence on AI/technology and our societal obsession with profits over humanity will lead to the demise of Earth much faster than my 2 extra kids will. My kids are the plastic straws of the environment. Get every Fortune 500 company to abide by the strictest environmental laws and then let’s have a convo about 2 child families and paper straws.
I saw someone recently post that if you’re having a child in 2025 everyone knows you’re a bad person. So I unfollowed them because I assumed they didn’t want a bad person looking at their stories. I don’t think I’m a bad person for having a child in 2025. I’ll even go so far as to say I am exactly the person you WANT having kids in 2025. I am going to be raising 2 boys (for now, it’s truly up to them) and as cliche as it is when people say “we really need strong women like you raising this generation of boys” it is true! My sons have hyphenated last names. Every time they introduce themselves the person they meet will know that their mom was so annoying. But hopefully they’ll also know that I tried from the moment I signed their birth certificate to say “women are just as important as you!” I am going to put in the work to raise thoughtful, empathetic, first round NBA draft picks that know and understand consent. That is not any easy task. But is one I gladly take on. And I get not wanting that job and burden. But the least you could do is shut the fuck up about it while I do the actual work.